29 November 2012

Three Legs Are Better Than None

By now you are probably pretty familiar with some of my (mis)adventures with pets.

But what you probably didn't know, is that my pet history is a long one. That is, if we define "pet" as "a creature that has been kept in confinement and given a name."

Under that qualifier, I have had frogs, a spider (it lived on our deck and I fed ants to it every day, idk), silkworms, like a hundred ladybugs (I named all of them), snails, a couple dogs, a psychotic cat, rats, and fish. A lot of fish. Too many fish. By the time I was eleven I had quite an impressive fish cemetery in the backyard.









But besides all of those pets, my family also has had their fair share of rodents.

After my sister’s first set of hamsters devoured their own babies and left their remains for her to discover, I thought perhaps we were done with rodents forever. 



But then somehow we ended up with four little mice.




We named them Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin - because when I was 15 I was at the peak of my nerdiness.





It wasn’t long before we discovered (through observation) that Sam and Merry were, in fact, female.





So their names became Rosie and Arwen, naturally.

As you can imagine, these mice didn’t last long since they were only bred to live long enough to get from the pet store to your lizard.

Frodo was the first to go, as I found out when I awoke to his little corpse in my face.












The next to go was Sam/Rosie. We buried them in the backyard, releasing their little mouse spirits to depart on the long journey to that Mordor in the sky. (That’s what mouse heaven is called. I bet you didn't know that.)


So my sister Annie, who was like four at the time, decided to give the remaining two mice a cute little mouse bath using a little plastic Barbie hot tub. During this mouse bath, Arwen’s back leg was somehow injured/broken, mostly likely because mice shouldn’t be bathed as if they were human. (It was really cute, though).




For a few days, Arwen went about her normal mouse business dragging her broken leg behind her like some weird second tail. This included running on her little wheel, leg thumping along behind her.


But the first real indication we had of Arwen's complete insanity was when we noticed that half of her injured leg was...missing. Not being unfamiliar to the world of rodent cannibalism, we decided to separate the two mice, assuming it was Pippin who was chewing on her leg.

But when we awoke the next morning, the rest of her leg was gone, a bloody stump in its place. 

She had eaten her own leg. The entire thing. Just gnawed right through the bone.





I mean, THAT MAKES SENSE. WHENEVER I GET A PAPER CUT I JUST CHEW MY FINGER OFF.



Shortly after this, Pippin also kicked the bucket, probably from the shock of watching his friend eat herself.

We thought for sure that three-legged Arwen would follow, but no....you guys, true to her namesake, she would not die. She lived through hell. And by hell, I mean that she lived through her own self-induced hell. 


Because one day, we found that Arwen had a small little cut on her tail. And, following the same mouse logic as before, Arwen nibbled her tail off completely.

As if EATING HER OWN LEG wasn't enough!





At this point we all sort of wanted her to freaking die, because were just so tired of hearing the dull whacking sound her bony little leg nubbin would make on the metal bars of her wheel.









26 comments:

Anonymous said...

wow.

Angie. said...

ALL OF YOUR PETS ARE PSYCHOTIC AND WONDERFUL.

Annika said...

I had a gerbil once who broke his back (I think) and then chewed both his hind feet off. So I know that feel!

Garth, Sarah and Sophie said...

You forgot to include how Arwen actually finally died. I was there that day, remember?

The Painted Lady said...

So disturbing!! And yet hilarious the way you wrote about it.

Danai said...

one morning i woke up and i saw my hamster eating my brother's hamster, blood everywhere, opened tummy etc etc. Thank you for posting this!! It brings back wonderful memories.

Anonymous said...

Totally worth the wait ^-^

Camilla said...

I...I'm so uncomfortable. I knew I wouldn't like the ending but I couldn't stop READING...

Anonymous said...

I am laughing so hard right now!

Naomi G said...

I cannot unsee this. It is great and all, but slightly disturbing. I loved the wand post. That was hilarious, totally reminded me of myself.

Josie Juárez said...

Seriously, how did Arwen die?

lauraannham said...

It's my own fault for starting to eat a yoghurt when I clicked on your post.

Why did I do that! WHY?

A. said...

Hannah, you are absolutely hilarious. All the people who post comments about not understanding why you are "famous" are idiots. This post was totally worth the wait :)

Kim said...

I love that these odd and crazy things occur in your life and then you graciously draw them and share them with the rest of us. You're fantastic.

P.S. I, too, want to know of Arwen's final demise...

Andy Morrison said...

'that Mordor in the sky'- lol

Diamantina said...

I had one that loved to scrach his ears so much thatthey stared to fall, in order to prevent him from doing so I made him a minature cone (you know like the ones the vet puts on dogs) and some how it ended up being used like a skirt. It was hilarious... and naturally he lost both ears

Tetchy said...

How did they not propagate more? I had two mice--a male and female--for a less than a month before there were suddenly 7 more mice.

Anonymous said...

I found your blog on stumbleupon about a year ago and i have been checking up all the time to read your latest posts. Very funny, i am 14 and probably at my peak of nerdiness!

Stephanie said...

This is horrible. Horrible. I mean...awesome, too, obviously. But I think I might have mouse-induced nightmares tonight.

And also, the "prove you're not a robot" captcha that I have to type before commenting includes the word "tail". Yep, definitely nightmares.

Celebrity Hair and Makeup Courses said...

Great drawings, love the Frodo one!
Celebrity Hair and Makeup Courses

Anonymous said...

I think I'm at the peak of my nerdiness right now... I've seen the hobbit multiple times in just the past week.

Anonymous said...

Ahem. Hello, I am Lily. I have searched through your Tumblr (hope that don't sound as creepy as it.. Well.. Sounds) and I saw the amazing pictures you have with our freakin soulmate Sean. And I must say...

Oh dear Isis, you and Sean AND TOTALLY MEANT TO BE. I mean... Meant to FREAKING be. I love you and your work, and I gave my whole blessings to you and Sean. Tell him that some random person called Lily on the interwebs says hi! :D

-Lily

jess said...

I love this post so much!

Emily said...

Snorted while reading this. Absolutely hilarious. I had a dwarf hamster who would not die despite launching himself off the second tier of his home to land behind the waterbottle, wedged between the bottle and bars.

I love your story-telling and illustrations! Yay!

Anonymous said...

Of course Frodo died first.

Anonymous said...

Of course Frodo died first. True to his namesake, I guess.