The Misadventures of Melissa the Wolf Spider and Similar Tales of Terror.

Once upon a night, Marlee and I were sitting in the living room on our laptops. Out of the silence came a scream followed by Marlee leaping through the air and clutching my ankle. There, atop the blanket on the couch, was the biggest, ugliest spider in all the land. I tried to run and get my spider slayer spray (art fixative) but Marlee's grip was just too tight. Instead Marlee ran into the kitchen to fetch a jar. Her previously dormant courage burst forth and she put the jar over the spider and trapped it forever, its blanket throne left abandoned.

Upon poring over tomes of spider lore on the internet we discovered that our specimen was a wolf spider. After this discovery, Marlee dubbed it Melissa.

Melissa resides in an empty IKEA Lingonberry jam jar and will until the hand of Death takes him from this feeble mortality.

In other words, there was a huge-ass spider in the couch.